Selfless Forgiveness.

I’ve observed that true forgiveness is very rare to come across. Humans tend to seek justice over mercy, and therefor, usually revenge over forgiveness. I’m not exactly sure why it seems so rare, but it is nonetheless a profound virtue, and perhaps the most overlooked virtue. Without forgiveness, the world would essentially descend into chaos, where “an eye for an eye” would take its place, creating an endless cycle of harm to one another. I’ve also noticed that when people do forgive, it often a form of what I will refer to as “selfish forgiveness”, when they are seeking to let go of the negative emotion within them, caused by holding onto the wrongdoing they were affected by. Rarely, do I see what I will refer to as “selfless forgiveness”, where forgiveness allows the wrongdoer to let go of the guilt they have inside, by actually hearing that have been forgiven by the person they did wrong to. In this piece, I want to make a case for selfless forgiveness and mercy, as I believe they fundamental in bringing in, and maintaining peace on earth.

Humans have a cognitive bias towards “fairness”. That doesn’t mean we always act in a fair manner, but there is something in us that is attracted to fairness. We also have similar cognitive bias known as “reciprocity bias” where we feel compelled to give something to someone, if that person has given something to us. And so, with these two biases, it would seem rather obvious as to why we seek justice more often than we seek forgiveness. We have a psychological tendency to want to make sure things are essentially even between us. While this is somewhat of a good thing, when it comes to something like gift-giving, it can be disastrous when it comes to the negative side of it. One insult results in an insult back, which results in a punch thrown, which results in two punches thrown, which leads to an ongoing escalation of the situation.

While it is impractical for justice and revenge to be above mercy and forgiveness, as I just explained, there is another factor that is often overlooked. Many people forgive because they are looking to let go of the hatred or resentment, they are feeling towards someone. This is the selfish forgiveness I referred to earlier. Selfless forgiveness, on the other hand, is what I call true forgiveness. When we can look at another, accept what they have done to us, and actively tell them that we have forgiven them, we may very well be setting them free from a prison of guilt that they created for themselves. While it is beneficial for oneself to forgive, since it can free themselves from negative emotions, I think the real element of forgiveness is to be found in setting others free from the mistakes of their past. I am not saying that this is easy to do. It may be very hard to find forgiveness within ourselves. But here is another thing I would like to point out, without it becoming a selfish motivation, and that is if we can truly forgive another, with the desire to set them free, we can then learn to forgive ourselves in the same, true way. While our legal systems are built upon justice and punishment, it does not mean our hearts need to be based on the same things. True forgiveness comes from a place of empathy and compassion, and not personal gain. True forgiveness is selfless forgiveness. May we share it abundantly and freely, to the best of our ability.